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It's been a while...

...more than a year. Actually, on logging in, I was surprised how recently I've been using LJ, as somehow I'd managed to convince myself I'd quit after breaking up with Neil, in a kind of 'associated with a different part of my life' way.

Things are good. It's been hard work and still a way to go, but I'm pretty damn happy at the moment. Don't know if this is more than waving at everyone to show I'm still alive, or whether I might start using LJ again. I suspect for now it's just the former, as I don't seem to spend a great deal of time online (compared with 3 years ago; all thing are relative and compared to most of my friends, I spend a lot of time online).

Anyway...

I think therefore I am

I am still here. Not often, but still in the background. Thinks are pretty good - started a new, not terribly exciting but pretty well paid job, and I'm single and starting to enjoy it (though there is someone kind of on the horizon I think. And I still plan to go to China for a while next year, and can actually start saving some money! Anyway, that's my rather boring update for the time being.

Jan. 6th, 2008

Only 3 weeks left of work - yipee! It's not even 3 whole weeks, I have just 8 days left working for them. Never again will I work for a bank - god knows why I took the job anyway (wasn't offered anything better basically).

This probably sounds a bit silly, but one of the things I'm looking forward to most is being able to choose my own clothes and not wear 'corporate wear' again. Corporate wear is just a euphemism for slightly better made and designed uniform. Mine wasn't terrible, in fact one of the suits is really nice, part from having the company name on a little label on the pocket, but it was navy and nylon, both things I avoid like the plague. And it wasn't my choice. I know the idea of the clothing scheme was that you could pick and choose items yourself so you had some say so, but I always hated it and have enjoyed being slightly scruffy at work in an effort to distinguish myself from my colleagues. TBH I've made less and less effort with my appearance at work over the last 12 months and this has a knock-on effect to how I feel about my appearance outside work - well I'll now have the chance to wear all the clothes I've been neglecting. Knowing my luck they won't fit me anymore!
Managed to do most of my Christmas shopping today, not that I have a lot to do. I'll be spending it at my dad's, first time since I was about 3 that I've spent Christmas Day with him - should be good.

Handed my notice in at Barclays the other day. I finish the 2nd to last week of January, the same week as my driving test. Then the following week I am off to Dublin for 3 days with Jo. Then in February I have booked tickets to go and see the Cure in Prague with Matt. So a busy couple of months!
Then I need to get down to the serious business of saving money becasue I have decided once and for all that I want to go and work abroad for a year - have decided on China, not Japan, which has surprised a lot of people, but I have my reasons LOL. My aim is to teach over there for a year and see as much of the country as possible, but try and save up a bit of money so I can spend a couple of months backpacking before I come back to England. Anyway, that's the plan. It feels a little weird at the moment because I've been umm-ing and err-ing about this for so long, but I've actually made the decision. Basically I realised that when I was feeling good about things I wanted to do it, but when I felt down I was coming up with reasons why I couldn't, throwing barriers in my own path. So I sat down and looked at each of these reasons in turn, and started to see that the only thing really stopping me was lack of money, which is something I can overcome. The other things were mostly related to worrying about whether my family would visit, whether my friends would forget me, whether the cat would be okay, and I realised that I have to trust that other people are capable of looking after my cat and that if I'm in China it's up to my family to come and visit.

Oct. 27th, 2007

Swinging from paranoia to calm and rationale on a minute-to-minute basis sometimes. And the thing is, I don't think what's making me paranoid and anxious is even the real issue.

Saw an old friend the other day. She had a baby last Christmas, he's really grown and looks like a small child now and not a baby :-) It's odd to think of the girls I spent my childhood and teen years with having kids of their own - she was only the second of my close friends to have a baby - the first had her first at 18 and is now awaiting her 4th! Anyway, it was lovely to see her, but it's made me think about missed opportunities, about whether I'll ever have children myself - do I even want them?

I've spent the evening on Facebook. I only recently signed up, hardly an early adopter! I'm not generally into social networking sites, but I know a few old friends are on there, friends I'd dearly love to get in touch with. One of the good things about having moved back 'home', so to speak, is that it made me feel a little more rooted, but I still often feel like I have few connections to my past.

I don't think I'm good at letting people get close to me.

Strange advice for moving a cat?

This page provides information and some personal experience of moving house with cats - just over halfway down is this advice:

'Don't wash your laundry before the move, especially recently worn undergarments. Bring them along and scatter the garments throughout the cat's temporary room so that he will be comforted by your scent.'

Now I'm all for doing whatever I can to help my cat settle in okay, but I draw the line at strewing my dirty pants all over the place!

Yes, I have my cat back :-) Neil and Stuart drove her up last Tuesday, so she's been here almost a week and so far is settling in really well, including the trauma of meeting my housemate's dog. I was a bit worried about moving here up, since I have only seen her for about 10 minutes in the last year, but so far so good. I've really missed her - not that I haven't enjoyed not having the responsibility for the last 10 months, if I'm completely honest, but it's really nice to have her back. Can't wait for her to start going out in the garedn, she won't know what to do with so much space!
Yay! I have internet access again after almost 3 weeks without - one of my housemates left and cancelled the broadband but didn't tell us he was having the phone cut off so it's been a bit of a palaver - anyway all sorted now :-)

Last weekend camped in the Welsh hills at a friend's party - good practise for this weekend as Matt and I are off to Truck Festival near Oxford - one thing I certainly will be taking is my pillow! And I bought some wellies yesterday though I think I might need to exchange them as they're a bit big and I'm going to be optimistic about the weather anyway :-p

Anyway, lots of catching up to do...

Baa baa black sheep!

You just know that a film about killer sheep is going to be fantastic!